Firewhiskey
by CrayonMask
Summary: Alright, this is a oneshot about Sirius reflecting on his loss of his bestfriend and brother! James. Honestly it rambles quite a bit, and is just Sirius thinking but yes. I was encouraged to put it up so it can be read. It kind of sort of hints at suicide, kind of? Maybe? I guess it depends on how you look at it. But yes! I hope you enjoy it, dear reader!


Alright, dear readers, I know, I can't update anything, so I'm making a oneshot. It'll be short-ish, I guess, okay, maybe not. But whatever. It'll be about something I haven't personally seen but a couple times. It may be completely cliché for all I know~

Let's go into this dear fantasy world!

Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry Potter franchise, I wish I did, I'd make a story just about the Marauders if I did, but you know, whatever.

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It's been almost 15 years now. Fifteen years since that horrible night, that night I lost the first and best friend I've ever had in my life. Fifteen years since Wormtail ruined all our lives. Fifteen years since… James… died…James… my… best friend… My brother… My leader… My Prongsy…It's been 15 years… yet it still burns.

Just like that night I walked into that charred, horrid, once happy home, and there he was, the explosion had barely touched him. The only difference from him being asleep, was that his eyes wouldn't open when I tried to wake him, and oh Merlin… I tried, I went as far as to punch him… Multiple times...

Then the truth sank in… Well… I don't really think it's set in, even after all these years…

But… how? How could that bastard Wormtail do that to us? To him?! James gave him everything! James let him into our group. I would have let the bastard remain as his status of pariah. James helped him. James went out of his way to make sure he was included. How does flipping Peter thank him?!Rats him out to that Snake Bastard, Voldemort.

I ever find him again… I'll kill , James didn't deserve that.

James didn't deserve any of it. Heck, there were times I believed Lilyflower didn't deserve James! She was so mean to him, breaking his heart, week after week, month after month, year after year. All because of a stupid prank from when we were kids?

I miss him… My best friend…

I mean… Remus is great and all. He's a pretty alright guy. He just… I can't trust him anymore. Not after that whole fiasco. He just… failed us.

He actually believed. That after all that, all those years of me being James's best friend. Living with James like we were brothers, I could kill him and his wife and son.

I couldn't say I really trusted Remus either… he's a great guy, but he's just… done too much. That crap with Snape in 5th year and how he tried to turn James against me.

How he tried to be the good guy sometimes in our pranks. Then he just up and disappears when me and Harry both got sent to out figurative and literal prisons?

I can't trust him like I used to. I wonder if Peter or Remus actually wanted to be our friends…Remus is trying now though I guess.

But he expects everything to be peachy dory after all that? After he bailed on James's flesh and blood son?

I can't stand it.

And Harry… I love the kid to death. If I could, I'd adopt him as my own. Just… sometimes, I can't stand him.

Not him personally, I guess, no I love him. I just can't stand his looks.

He looks, almost exactly… like James. Yet. The one part of him I really long to look like James, looks like Lily. His eyes.

Plus, I mean, he is nothing like I expect of a child of James. No prankster spirit. No zest, no nothing!

Oh well… flip, it always comes back to James in the end.

I miss him desperately. Why him? Why? Why did it have to be James of all people? Perfect, kind, brave James? Why couldn't he be a coward for once?Why'd he have to leave? Why'd he have to die?!It's been 15 dang years! Right now we could be laughing over how Harry struck out with a girl, or how Moony was balding, how Lily was getting older, and that we miss the old days of our youth.

But he had to go and be the hero again. I hate that word. Hero. Fate. Luck. Faith.

I guess James's luck finally ran out.

Stupid, stupid luck, stupid Hero.

Maybe I'm just bitter… Maybe I'm just getting old…Does it really matter anymore? I've lost almost everything.

The only reason I stay here now. The only reason I still suck air into this tired body… is for dead and gone I still hear his voce ringing in my head.

"Are you really giving up now Padfoot? After all this crap? Get up you Mutt! We have a life to live! You finally escaped that house, now you can come to mine! Get up already Padfoot! We're going home!"

Sweet James… my brother James… He gave me a life…And I'll not waste it.

Not any longer. I spent 13 years locked in Azkaban. That terrible place, because of a stupid mistake. I chased after Prettigrew and that killed 21, innocent muggles that day. Over half of them were children. It was flipping Halloween, of course they were children! Did he care? No, of course not, he sent flipping Voldemort after James's!

It's sad, I don't know who I hate more. Prettigrew, or Voldemort?

Doesn't matter now. James is dead.

All I can do now is try and get his revenge and take care of Harry as much as an escaped convict can.

I guess for now I'll just drink my pain away with this Firewhiskey.

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There? How is that? Yeah, it's just Sirius rambling about James really. But hopefully it isn't too bad. Review some advice maybe? Whatever you want really. Thank you for reading, faithful reader! Especially you Munchkin.


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